Self-care in my opinion is the least explored topic for the human race and in our ever busy life, its more neglected than we imagine it to be. Amongst the educated and self-aware class of society, self-care is understood as going to the gym, eating healthy, or taking a trip to the Alps. But self-care is much more than that and I feel that we neglect many aspects and possibilities of taking care of ourselves that can enable free and functioning lives. We all have lives with their unique set of challenges and many things are out of our control but we have a right towards our mind, body, and soul and so how many of you take care of yourself?

First comes physical self-care which includes eating regularly and healthily. It includes exercise, getting regular medical care for prevention, and taking time off when sick. Mixing fun physical activities like dancing, swimming, walking, running, playing sports, singing, getting enough sleep, and regulating our nervous systems by making time away from telephones, email, and the Internet. Then comes psychological self-care which includes therapy or making time for self-reflection.

Do you notice your inner experience which is listening to your thoughts, beliefs, attitudes, and feelings, If you can’t afford therapy, write in a journal or read about mental health care. We need to explore things we are not an expert at or in charge of which essentially means taking a back seat. We need to mindfully attend to minimizing stress in our lives. When was the last time you engaged your intelligence in a new area, e.g., going to an art show, sports event, or theatre? Psychological health also comes from changing attitudes. Be curious and say no to extra responsibilities sometimes. Emotional self-care is as crucial to our well-being as physical and psychological well-being. Spend time with others whose company you enjoy and make an effort to stay in contact with important people in your life. You also need to give affirmations to yourself and praise and validate any small or big effort you make.

I think learning how to love yourself is the biggest challenge that you face as so many critical voices outside of you come in the way. Re-reading favorite books or re-watching favorite movies, pursuing comforting activities, objects, people, and places, and most importantly allowing yourself to cry are paramount to emotional health.

Find things or people that make you laugh can greatly reduce cortisol levels. Do you express your outrage in social action, letters, donations, marches, and protests? Another important area is spiritual Self-Care. Do you spend time to reflect, spend time in nature, or find a spiritual connection or community? You should be open to inspiration, and cherish your optimism and hope. Be aware of non-material aspects of life and pursue worldly dreams but do not run so fast after them that you fall flat on your face. See what is meaningful to you and notice its place in your life. Be open to not knowing and finding all the answers. Meditate and pray and see experiences of awe. Contribute to causes in which you believe and seek collective goals and not personal only. Relationship Self-Care is another area paramount to your health. Schedule regular dates with your partner or spouse and do regular activities with your children. Make time to see friends and call, check on, or see your relatives. Spend time with your companion animals stay in contact with faraway friends and enlarge your social circle.

Make time to reply to personal emails and letters; send holiday cards as well and allow others to do things for you that matter and so does asking for help. Share a fear, hope, or secret with someone you trust and permit yourself to be vulnerable. And let’s look at professional self-care. Take a break during the workday (e.g., lunch) and make time to chat with co-workers. Do you get quiet time to complete tasks? Identify projects or tasks that are stimulating and rewarding. Have boundaries with clients and colleagues. Learn to balance your work so that no one day or part of a day is “too much.” Arrange the workspace so it is comfortable and comforting for you. Negotiate for your needs and most importantly have a peer support group. A healthy you leads to a healthy society so strive for balance within work-life and family, relationships. Live. Laugh. Long.

A recent phenomenon I have seen in young people is the tendency to pathologize their intimate partners when expressing their valid concerns in relationships. To pathologize means to, declare someone with a psychological abnormality or disorder. Working with couples and the increasing number who walk into my office for relationship counseling, I find the intention to work on relationships as a great step towards realizing that ruptures in any relationship are co-created and can be resolved in the atmosphere of mutuality working towards co-regulation.

My serious concern though is how easily a diagnosis of mental health disorders slips off the tongue of one partner toward another. ‘She is bipolar about everything.’ ‘He is narcissistic and a psycho.’ ‘We have a trauma bond’. The language in relationships these days is full of terms like, ‘gaslighting’, ‘trigger’, ‘phobia’, and many more that have a place in a mental health practitioner’s office and not within a relationship. Couples tend to express how they feel in the face of a relationship challenge through buzz words and have already received a diagnosis from an ‘insta (gram)-therapist before they seek professional support. I think that this inclination to diagnose partly comes from the unhinged information access on social media that seems to resonate with everyone at some level and partly from wanting to add weight to the distress they are feeling. It’s almost like if I can label my partner as toxic, I will be heard and my pain will be recognized.

Couples need to understand that overusing clinical terms creates less safety in relationships and defenses go high in the other partner. There is a deeply embedded stigma attached to mental health that will take a long time to shift. By labeling your partner with serious mental health issues, you are sabotaging the chances of him or her seeking therapy or even if they do under pressure, there is a strong chance of mistrust and resentment towards therapy, and can be counterproductive.

Safety in relationships starts from creating an empathic non-judgmental zone so the first step is to express what you are feeling from an emotional inner experience rather than an irresponsible diagnosis of another rooted in judgment and an attempt to shame the other. Try to tell your partner that you feel angry when he pushes you and tries to control you rather than telling him he has issues with boundaries because he has narcissistic wounding. There is a chance that you may be right but let the therapist work on that so that it can be an effective therapeutic process.

We are living in an era that loudly blows the trumpet for self-care and empowerment. While it is an amazing process that needs all the attention we can give it, cultivating empathy is equally if not more important to psychologically grow as human beings. Labeling our partners with various psychological disorders defeats the purpose. Don’t judge your partner through the lens of pop psychology. Selfishness is selfishness and is a subjective experience and highly debatable. Don’t call it narcissism.

Don’t indulge in analysis paralysis and keep it simple. You don’t need the support of buzzwords to have a voice in the relationship. Trust your inner experience and speak from the heart. Therapy-speak shows our growing interest in our mental health which is an amazing thing but let’s curtail using clinical terms in everyday relationships and connect to our deepest experience of how we are deeply impacted in relationships.